Sunday, May 2, 2010, 2.5.10
oh yea i love this song&Band it suits my life NOW i just wish i Burn AND Die ,
HollyWood Undead
Lyrics to Paradise Lost : So watch my chest heave as this last breath leaves me I am trying to be what you're dying to see
I feel like "Fuck man, can't take this, anymore, this heart, break this." This is life that's so thankless, How could he just forsake us?
Breaks us he makes us hate us he gave us nothing but no trust and I am so f**ked up So let this gun bind us Lets hide by this lust and once we are just dust he'll know that he loved us
LET IT ALL BURN I will burn first God i've tried, am i lost in your eyes?
Just let me burn, it's what I deserve. God i've lied, am i lost in your eyes?
So take me and make me weakened and save me this hate that you gave me keeps saying the same thing
to sing when you hurtin' to sing when you cry to sing when you livin' to sing when you die
and here at the end at the end of the hurt all the pain ain't the same when it's your turn to burn We're the heart for the heartless, the thoughts for the thoughtless, the lies for the honest We're the gods of the godless!
Let it all burn I will burn first God of time, am I lost in your eyes?
Just let me burn It's what I deserve God of mine, am I lost in your eyes?
So cry 3 tears for me, burning so good, sing me this song
So cry 3 tears for me, burning so good, burning so good
I can not stand who i am I'm this man with this blood on my hands in this blood I am damned so watch my wings burn as they burn in the fire I'll scatter the ashes now sing for the choir
Let it all burn, I will burn first God i've tried, am i lost in your eyes?
Just let me burn it's what I deserve, God i've lied, am i lost in your eyes?
This hate that you gave me keeps saying Just let me burn, Just let me burn
This hate that you gave me keeps saying Just let me burn, Just let me burn
Burn NOW Burn
Just let me burn NOW Burn
BURN!
, 2.5.10
every night i cry to sleep thinking and missing the past times with him
at times i think does he still care like he used too maybe am not worth it
am sorry if things fucked up put the blame on me cause am cursed
problems after problems as nights come i close my eyes wishing things would get better
but once i woke up disaster slaps me multiple times and the least i could wish for was seeing you like old days thats enough to wash out my sorrow
keeping me alive and pump up even tho its just a screen happiness flow via the multiple molecules from the air spaces
hoping he still care like he used too cause i cant stop loving him even tho in reality restriction puts us apart but one out of another i just hope, wish him the best in life living to the fullest and always having happiness in life and achieving his goals
one thing i would never forget is how someone makes me feel special i may have alot of exes but i just wanna thanks them for making my life happy at a certain point, am thankful enough. at least i gain happiness from past
think positive think straight all thats matter now is to focus calm down, be confident think beauty :D
, 2.5.10
Times clicking past Clock moving fast People comes and go As Quick as the bullet shoot Hit on every person
They keep on telling me its Bullshit I keep telling them NO its aint
They told me you're too far why am i still holding still? not worth it
They are there to tc of me but i dont want to care i can't altho I tried
Hes the only exception the one I think of even when am with others
if ever things turn bad healing process needed for me still cause i've fallen deep too deep down Down to where I feel Lonely and sick without him
the lesser time i spend with him the more the love grows grows taller bigger deeper to the ground
sins done forgives me baby but god knows who am thinking of only you in mind TRUE love counts more then just other guys
All I could think of while laying going to bed was only him
they said they love me but i dont feel the love like he showed me his is deep, as deep as the ocean
I dont believe in love at first sight i believe in love in sacrificing when they look at me all i can see is ily but idk you i need a gf quick you are the nearest
i respected people when they get to know me before saying the word "Love" Loving someone is hard to understand
easy to get to know if i really Love someone, I would cry to his name, Like i did for him, I would look at your eyes and said ILY and i meant it. Not just a bit but ILYSM
And only him I would say too. And i would sacrifice sleep just for him Hes my LOVE,Ian Wilde. :D ILYSM
, 2.5.10
4 months have past since new year. 2009 was a bad year; as much happened in 2009. theres goods and bad in every year. hoping 2010 would be much better, but turns out to be much worse, guess things will get better sooner or later. i'll keep praying hard, even tho am not that religious. i still pray quietly that things would get better.
everykid would be super glad when they reach that age 18-21; the period where one celebrates of having priviledge doing anything without getting caught. like Hey am 18, i can buy my own cig/alcohol and watch m18 movies. and when am 21, i could legally watch r21 or enter a sexshop. if you're in US,you can buy alcohol or get in a strip bar. am not talking about the age rights of the outside laws for now. whats the topic for discussion for today is how teenagers feel about having rights of doing things they want, and getting supported by both friends and family. how many percent of the family out there support their teenager in this modern days? have you ever do a gig performance and 1 before you go out your family wishes you goodluck when you comes back they asked you how was it & supported you even when the crowds wasn't that overwhelm. 2 your dad volunteered to send you to the gig place themself. or even stayed and watched/ cheer you up. or maybe joke with you " hey maybe you get a lady for the night,wink!" or where a scenario of telling them you gonna make a band? what would their reaction be? i had not done any survey; but i guaranteed 99% of the parents would go, "don't you have a better dream?" "you're just wasting your time with that stupid gig, band stuff" "you should be studying"
firstly before you scold your son/daughter where you learnt all those crude words, when you hear them saying it out, ask yourself, have you used it on them. maybe you can't remembered or maybe not on them, maybe to other random people.
Teenagers are like babies they catch words easily too. Teenager are the most sensitive period of a persons life. its normal if your son/daughters a rebel this is part of teenagers. this is the period where one try to adapt to the outside world, trying new things, bad or good, where one fails and learnt from it. like the quote meant it "success is from failing". unless you are born in a rich family,well not everyone is lucky enough. even the rich kids are rebellious too. try asking their parents.
Being a teenager myself I know how hard it is to be one. its like everything is against you. one always wishes they get supported by families&friends in doing the things they enjoy.
For myself am happy when am doing art, listening to music and sharing it with clicks whom enjoys the same genres as me. And I believes you dont need to be super intelligent to achieve these goals. Am not asking you guys to burnt down or skip schools or books, what am implying is that if you want to be an musician or artist, you need not take a Master or PHD to be one. its about having passion and practicing on obtaining the skills needed.
this teles when you ask someone who hates art to draw, he/she would go 'are you kidding me'ends up they gives up or just draw something simple Some people were born with talents like drawing or singing, but what I can say what people do not know is that yes maybe they git the blood of an artist or singer; but what i can say is from my perspective, thats Bullshit! why I say this cause tell me which baby after a min being born can sing or draw like Leonardo Da Vinci? Even his son cant do that.neither does any singer or famous artists sons/daughters out there can. its the matter of they themselves have passion on it and learnt it themselves or they were taught at a young age and as times goes by they gets better.
what best is they get support by their families&crews. whether youre a teenager or a parents, its best to support each other. i got plenty of Tips of do and donts of building a good relationship; basically not only use for witin families matter but also with anyone eg, boss,crew,members.
TIPS;
1) always support one another decision 2) always lend a helping hand 3) stop everything; listen carefully, when someone is talking 4) Always think before you do something; would you be happy later if you do this? if yes, continue; if no, find something you are happy doing. 5) Never put anyone down, even if you hate them.If you didnt; once you regain your mind, apologize. 6) Always think of being happy, do the things you enjoy 7) Never mention bad pasts of someone, it would bring back bad memories, everyone has a bad pasts memories they wanna forget, so never mention it, what pasts is past. 8) Be nice to people if you want to be treated nicely back. 9) Keep in touch with the people, youll never know when you need them, so its not like youre using them, only find them when you need them. 10)Try to have a get together day every month with friends and crews. 11)Have dinner together every weekend as a family; spend time together, ask your kid/parents what they did&how things going on for the whole week?
Quickly to summaries everything up is always support one another,respect ones decision, and always keep in track with the people you Care.So i Hope this helps you guys. Any question do ask me I'll try to search on it, am not an experts to give a very good ideas, but am trying to share what i Learnt and Found out from what I have obtain from Knowledge on reading psychology books. Cheers and Happy days to you people and always Stay Happy in doing the things you enjoy :)
Thursday, April 15, 2010, 15.4.10
shouts and curse gets deep into me years by days
that day changed everything i was the kid a loser kid who's just dumb and follow the shit
shit which i dont even know but was blame for being a fool even tho i was a loser kid whom didn't know shit
as i grew up knowing what it is it stays as a deep scar that follows me around
everytime mistakes done the scar comes back from curses i have to endure
don't blame me for not having confidence in myself cause i tried my best to stand strong but things just crumbles down every time i manage to overcome it before i could fully lift it away another comes tumbles down on top of it
and am still trying hard alone by myself now sometimes giving up is in my dictionary but i eliminate it by telling myself yes i can do it
and when i fall down no angel gonna help me up maybe they'll come but they would leave you as soon as things are way beyond their weight then another comes and leave too and the same goes on and on
this is my life endures, pain, being left please dont say you care if you know you can't mean it forever this is the reason why its hard for me to trust cause i knew people comes and go and they only meant it at the moment
the reason why its hard to fall in love that easy once you fall deep you just find its just a sweet dream which dont last long nightmares are the ones who is your true follower
i just wish i was swept away to a deserted island which i can stay alone alone by myself and idw to be rescued i just wanna die there at least its peaceful
every night i cry thinking of my sucky life even when i try to make it better none appreciate
psychology books are my true friends it keeps me pump up being positive even if its a while thanks god theres psychology
shouts again earphones on music blast stop all the negativity i dont care no more am not with him anymore mom so you can jump hell yay
for info he was the one who guide me who told me to listen to you i was the one whom is bad why must you blame him blame me, not him
yes am the bad bitch now murder me alrdy my guide is no more thanks to you, its always ended up this way near or far relationship yes its pitiful
am 20 but lifes a hell for me whats the point of living old when you get yell at negativity throw at you daily kill me alrdy use a knife pierce it into me shoot me with a gun hit my head hard that my brain comes pouring out
am sick of crying even if i cry out blood things wont change let it go and move on all i can do. is keep myself pump up and happy :)
Tuesday, April 13, 2010, 13.4.10
A Song for Him
when the world crumbles hard i look up i saw you helding your hand i hold it hard wishing it would stay long cause every living creatures who tried to held their hands it would slip away just as soon as the wind blew it away
i tot you were different different from the past i knew this would comes by one day or another i tried to tell myself no dont get so pump up but i fail to do so i fall deep deep into your spell it blinded me with love love that i can only think of
call me a liar a liar i am thats what people think i'am i believe you were the only soul whom think am not thats when i started to believe in you wishing i was there by you holding you tightly
you see the sun when i see the moon its a total different time you are miles away but i keep telling myself its ok you have a different life from mine but i told myself its ok we can always help each other out
but out of a moon you told me u can't take it any more and am fine with it i just wish for ur happiness happy for who u r and what you did at least i appreciate the happiness you led me thru for that period of time
it hurts badly but its ok sooner or later by all luck or not i need to get over it over and done and vanish
if only you knew why am so fucktard when you told me to be nice cause the nicest thing they would want me is to fuck off from you and i told myself no not this time i dont want every time i had to bck up not this time i love him mom idc yes i am a rebel but am happy when am with him if you hate him you hate me too
to tell the truth sometimes i feel like letting go cause i can't stand it the distance but i try my best to stay put cause i know you love me and i dont want to dissapoint you if he can loves me so do I and i make it, as days past the love burns deeper deeper into my soul
i might be a flirt but only one who stays in my mind whom i mention to everyone i meet never have i cry and saying anyones name except for mom but this time i did it differently w/out realising i cry and said ur name cause all i ever wish was for u to hug me and say its gonna be ok
and everytime before i sleep i cry thinking of you. i even tot of quiting college and come with you cause i can't stand it much longer being too far from you
everyones against me and i was wishing you were the only soul whom i got for me to shed on but you let me go too fast alone and hurt with all the weights crumbling down on me i wont blame you its understood if i was you i would do the same too who wants a problematic gf like me its too stressful i know.
but all i wanna say is i love you truthfully believe it or not i dont give a fuck and i just wish you a happy life and wishes you the best in next life.
and all i wish now is am death death as fast as i can so things wont be fucktard anymore
Wednesday, March 31, 2010, 31.3.10
My bf actually wrote this to me, so I wanna share it, thanks Ian, ILYSM
i wanted to write you something because i know uve been having a hard time lately, but its so hard for me when i just go and try to do it, ill do it sometime when im siting around not doing anything tho. but i read this and wanted to share it with you. cause I LOVE YOU :D :) :* I love you with all I am And all I'll ever be. You are my moon, my sun and stars, My earth, my sky, my sea. My love for you goes down and down Beneath both life and death, So deep it must remain when I Have drawn my last faint breath. Holding you for months and years Will make Time disappear, Will make your lips my lips, your face My face, your tear my tear; Will make us one strange personage All intertwined in bliss, Not man or woman, live or dead-- Just nothing--but a kiss! i cant wait until we can be together! i love you jannah and always will. my love for you burns in my chest a million times brighter than the sun. i think of u and immidiatly become happy, butterflys flying. my hands sweat on the keyboard when typing to you, i turn red when i do something i'm akward about, i smile so hard my face hurts for days. You're amazing in every way, and im sorry you've been having trouble at home, and anytime your in a situation to where somethin bad has happened or something is going wrong... stop and think about what if it were me and u were giving me advice, what would u tell me? do ur best, work ur ass off, save your money, and email/talk/call/txt/any form of communication, until we can be together. I LOVE YOU NURULJANNAH!! SO MUCH!! YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL PERSON INSIDE AND OUT, DONT EVER FORGET THAT! you are my soul mate :) LOVE Ian Wilde LOVE Jannah Wilde Hey bf here’s a letter back to you, maybe I don’t dare to give you but I hope you read it here on my blog, I do really love you badly that am scared of losing you, Hate the distance, and knowing you’re gonna be well busy after you move out to lousiana, but am happy for you for real! , I will always LOVE you tho, I keep telling myself no don’t fall too hard or I might get hurt, like you said to me. Am guessing both of us having doupt, but all I wanna say is that I do LOVE you really, and I don’t care bout other guys, not even if they look like Andy sixx or Oliver sky . & Thanks for making my life feel better, I know you try hard and am sorry if I tried to do stupid things. Remember this no matter what happened between us I will always love you and promise you won’t do stupid stuff and do take care of your health. I don’t want to see you get hurt or get into trouble my dear, I’ll always Care and worry bout You. I love you so much. Even tho you’re far away from me am worry hell I swear.
And always remember this people always tell the people you love and care for them, so they know theres someone out there who really do. Always motivate them in life, never let anyone down. Best to support each others decision in any matter. Am not saying the bads, but tell them no matter what am here for you and always will even if you fall down. That’s life always failing and falling, but you gotta wake up and stand back yourself, as a friend,parents,family, gf/bf you got to be there to motivate him/her in standing up on her own and it would make them more motivated in life. to this I love everyone I know and never give up, and choose the right path which would make you happy for yourself, I know its best to make people happy, yes but before making anyone happy make yourself happier first. In this point its not selfish, its just putting you on a happy based so you can make others happy too + yourself. So good luck people in everything you do.
Monday, March 29, 2010, 29.3.10
its been a mth and a wk now i dont know if you keep track of it but I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND, IAN WILDEILY IAN
Wednesday, January 13, 2010, 13.1.10
I dont know where am at and my mind keeps changing.its like am psycho.the reason i am into psychology is to know who am i.and knowing how the brain works.afterlife mind works.emotions too changes the mindset.have you wonder why do you like someone?or why they like you? why do you feel sad when things you care or appreciate loses?shall continue....
Friday, January 8, 2010, 8.1.10
I wish he knows how much i miss him more then he miss me... one minutes of me talking to my sis hah "i already miss you " one sec you say you wanna make coffee " one sec seems like hours.." everynight i hope to see you online,but they keep asking me to sleep, well for now i got to do what am told yea, for my own good, and for health too. Am loving it. it's ok if i dont see or talk to you for days,at least I know you miss me, just like i miss you is enough, i wont ask much, am thankful enough for the tiniest bit. and i still love my friends and always be there for them anytime. so dear friends.. i love you all,and if theres any problems which you people feels sad or down bout, feel free to let it out, i can't promise you i guaranteed for your happiness, but all i can do, is to cheer you guys up at the moment and that one short moment is worth in making, a friend smile and forget her/his sorrows..so hip hip hooray people.and all i ask for is, just be happy and always smile even if am not part of it. I LOVE YOU ALL. kisses and hugs xoxoxoxo :P
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20-01-1990
Aquarius
Arabic+Ind
Age: 20
Updated new : 30th March
As i've renewed my blog am thinking of making it to a forum where i gives my opinion and help others, the dos' & donts' of what i've learnt. if theres any enquiries or things which make you guys
feel uncomfortable you guys can always send me a message here,
Gmail
or can personally talk to me via my mail online,
msn, missy_angel5@msn.com
yahoo, crashedlegend